The issues I wrote about last time regarding pain management are getting better. I am eternally grateful to a nurse practitioner that took the time to examine the course of treatment and irregular medication protocols I have been getting and seeing there were major issues. She referred me to a new doctor in the same practice who also noted the confusion and incomplete pain treatment. He adjusted the medication and VOILA. I am NOT pain free but am not struggling quite as much as I was. This doctor did not make assumptions about my use of pain medication, and treats me accordingly. I have not had to call or leave messages to clarify treatment. A Real Doctor! The one I was seeing was a nightmare, shame on him. Hoping things will get better now. I want to be able to walk my pups every day, even in the cold, and the proper pain med regimen depends on it so that I can move. I would not wish rheumatoid arthritis (and the other back and nerve issues) on my worst enemy...except for maybe the last pain doc I had who literally made me suffer for almost a year.
2021 continued it's assault with a diagnosis of kidney cancer in September. I had surgery to remove the tumor in early December, and should be fine now. This is a banner year for my physical decline! Two mass removals, one cancerous, and an extended colitis bout, with excessive pain present for most of the year. Also, Ms. Ellie went to heaven, and is finally at peace. I had not realized how she had declined until that last week. She was a beautiful, stubborn dog that held on til the end, bless her loving pug heart. She would have gone on indefinitely while coping with a constant cough and fight to get air despite all the treatments we tried. It was hard and awful, but she needed the help to pass on. And another baby becomes a box of ashes on my shelf. Soup to nuts, I know she was loved every day of her life and was never treated badly. She enjoyed her last meal of a few McDonald's hamburgers and fries, too. My sweet pug.
Cheers to this awful year!
Now that it is all in the rearview mirror, and the belly cuts are healing up nicely, I want to return to being an artist. And examining what that actually means. Throughout this disasterous year I have had idea after idea for directions to go in, and have entered my art room when I could, but often felt too poorly to do anything while there. I felt like my own art dried up and slipped away from my reach. "Why bother making anything when I feels so awful?" was the prevailing thought. "Because I have to!" was the reply, but I just haven't had the energy or mental clarity to be consistent. Really depressing. I have signed up for some fun online classes to watch when indisposed, and want to start meeting up with art pals again. I need to step back into the water, I am sure the temperature will be cold at first, but I will acclimate.
Thinking about what it takes to restore my artistic thinking and practice. Daily practice is essential, I do know that. I am not sure how that will happen. I love Eric Maisel's book on Daily Practice. Sadly he has limited answers for people who are physically challenged. Mental challenges have lots of good strategies - but pain and no energy are very hard to counter. Maybe there is a book to write on this subject...but I have to get through it and get back to a productive place.
January is always a good time to start something new...I'll keep thinking. Cheers! xx