This mornings espresso is perfect. Bonus! Looks like a double cup morning. Read a good article about a study yesterday that showed that coffee can help pain levels that are escalated by a lack of sleep. I try to get enough sleep, but know it isn't always the best sleep, so am sure that contributes to the chronic pain mix. Does that mean that insurance can pick up the tab for espresso beans? A new fabulous coffee house opened in Reading center (Cafe Nero) -- will have to sip cheap tea there this summer and make my real stuff at home!
On the art front, I am still trying to plug away every day, despite feeling like I am stealing precious minutes from the Toby 24 Hour Cleanup Project. This past week I printed out some small pieces made on the computer using Corel and quilted them last night. Hoping that I can get lost in the stitching and beading in the next few weeks and have some interesting things for the Artist and Craftsman sale at the end of June, and beyond. The "small" digital pottery pieces I made before were my attempt at making lower cost works that didn't take months to complete...but they did! Instead of making smaller, less densely embellished works, they became overly embellished to the hilt (no surprise there, really.) Many, many hours on each piece. So, here we go again at trying a less labor-intensive, more inexpensive series of pieces that will have beaded trim, skull dangles, and some stitching, too. The scale is right, I hope!
Just happy to have something to focus on. Getting lost in the handwork is truly the best medicine for pain. Using my hands to bead and stitch gets my mind in a different place that puts pain in the back seat. As long as the pain isn't so bad that I can't start, which is often the case. These days the legs, right down to the feet, are really painful and I'm finding walking challenging right now, again, and am scared there is a back issue brewing. Hoping beyond hope that it is just a weird inflammatory thing and will pass. Till then, I'll keep cleaning, stitching, and sleeping.
One underestimated part of this constant issue is the social piece. When every day is filled with unpredictability, discomfort, and the need for rest (sometimes spontaneously) it is hard to make plans with others and to stay connected to them. I miss people in my life that I don't see enough, and the relationships I don't have or can't maintain. I realize there are people that must think I'm a selfish person who doesn't reach out to spend time with them. It is part of being sick all the time. I finally understand why my father was the way he was, and can see isolation as part of having RA. Yuck.
This leads me to be more connected on social media, which is helpful, but also kind of embarrassing when I slip up and post something about my frustration with being sick or in pain. Kind people respond with understanding comments and I feel like it looks like I am begging for attention, which I really am not trying to do. I am just venting...sometimes seeing it written somewhat validates the craziness of living within a body that is a painful prison a good deal of the time. Sigh.
Life goes on, and I will again try to do the best I can, and stay positive. Others have it much worse than I do, and I know this (which adds guilt to the mix, too.) If I can get through the day without needing to get off my feet by 4pm, there's a chance I can medicinally stitch for an hour tonight. What a goal! Cheers.