So, I reluctantly rejoined the ranks of Most Women yesterday as I slapped on the creamy foundation, so opaque I had flashes of being a mortician. I progressed through the packages, one by one, and applied what I could to try and cover the doughy protuberances that have transformed my nose and cheeks. Really, how did this happen? I never really liked makeup and certainly never excelled at it. What look was I going for? Anything that resembled a living human and not the Pillsbury Dough Woman. As the layers piled up I could feel the skin on my face becoming just a little more rigid, and imagined my pores opening up like fish gasping for air on the surface of a drying lake. Not sure if it helped or not, but at least I knew the dough face was at least buffered and would be less likely to trigger nausea in those who had to see me on their screens.
My stance of not wearing makeup for the past (ummm....lots of...) years was based on the fact that my skin breaks out really easily, and I just don't have the time or interest in "dolling up." Since entering the stay at home world of Internet calls and Face Time, however, I am now forced to see what I have been inadvertently sharing with people around me. Yeah, no one looks GREAT on these platforms, but not everyone glows like an unbaked dinner roll, either. Gone are my eyes, now buried in heavy folds, and my nose has developed a whole new shape as I have aged. Thanks, Mom! I guess I try really hard to ignore my appearance and have done a great job of it for the past...ummm...lots of years. I guess this strategy is not working well right now!
Part of me feels like it is highly unjust to "have" to wear make up to be visually acceptable. Acceptable to who? My dating years are far behind me and I have zero expectations of changing my "single" household status. My birds? They might bite me if I make too significant a change to my face. The neighbors? God bless them, they haven't complained yet. The mailman? He keeps his distance! In fact, everyone keeps their distance now, at least six feet, so maybe my worries are unfounded. Except for the all too honest camera.
As a camera-shy person, this is a hard time to function professionally and otherwise. There is no way to stay in denial of one's pasty complexion and prednisone inspired cheeks when on a Zoom call. Nope. Must confront. And this is not easy! Not to mention the hair situation...omg. Some people are better read than seen!
So, people I know, forgive me my make up excesses and mistakes over the next few...years...as I try to reacquaint myself with the cultural norm I'd so happily abandoned. Not sure if I will give up or end up looking like THAT lady who wears just a little too much blush. Just know underneath it all, is a bare faced person who is at least trying not to make others gross out!
Ah, to be a woman. I have to go now, as I kissed Tessa and the top of her head is now pink. Bye!