Ah, spring! Just like that, crocuses popped up and the air is filled with birdsong. And a lot of pollen, or something, that is making many people I know run around feeling like they *might* have Covid. Myself included! Had an unexpected sneeze in the produce section of Market Basket the other day and the stares were unbelievable. Shouted "Allergies!" but I think onlookers were not comforted.

Is it clay dust accumulating in my mask? Is it pollen? Is it part of a reaction from a recent medicine change? Is it part of the RA/inflammation process? At least we are being pool tested at school now so that Covid is mostly off the list. While I got the vaccine earlier this month I am not sure I will even mount an antibody response because of meds I have to take. We shall see. Something is better than nothing, I hope. 

Spring means setting up the outdoor art room again and watching flowers bloom. Can hardly wait for that last part. Zinnias and roses, maybe some daisies, but definitely zinnias. At the first whiff of nice weather I felt compelled to order seeds off Amazon, and then found that several of my neighbors did the same! I ordered the giants with 5" blooms. I love the bright colors and large blossoms of the zinnias, and how they seem to bloom forever into the cold fall. Such cheerful, bright, and intensely colored little marvels.  Last time I started zinnias in the house Cairo ate them all in one go, though, so will have to parrot proof the Aerogarden.  Modern problems. 

If I can find the Aerogarden, that is. The table that it usually sits on is a mountain of stuff remaining from raising the puppies. Clothing that no longer fits, food they won't eat anymore, bags of treats and rawhide ordered in advance, toys, all mixed in with "good" recyclable junk I have saved for my art classes. It is a mess. Time to tackle it and restore order. Same goes for the entire room, really, and the porch. And, and and. It is so hard to keep up when I don't feel well. Things that seem possible and do able when I have a "good pain day" become insurmountable and forcibly ignored most of the time.

Past few weeks have been exceptionally difficult as I was forced to change medications and it was not a smooth transition. Pain levels are off the charts, which is leading to more exhaustion. I am grateful that through all this I've had my little pups to distract me and keep me going with their antics. They are growing up so quickly it is a little scary. Teddie will be two this summer. Two! How did that happen? I can imagine how fast it must seem for parents of human babies.

As I write this Teddie is curled up on my lap, all warm and cozy. I lift her little head and kiss her nose and tell her she is the best little fluffy girl ever. Because she is. Tessa is precious too and I love her to bits, but Teds is different. She is an "old soul dog" that has a calm and perceptive energy.  Never really does anything wrong (ok, so she likes the wild escape and run down Temple Street every now and then) and just has a lovely, selfless spirit.  She always tries to take care of the other pets and her siblings when they play, and is the first to nestle into my pillow and put her head on my shoulder at night. Sometimes angels come in the forms of dogs, and I truly think she was sent to me with a mission -- every day has been better since she came. Her one non-negotiable demand for being perfect is a few small nibbles of chicken on her supper, which I will gladly obey.  I hate the disappointed pouty face I get when the chicken is absent. Ellie trundles over and will eat her dog food as it is, but my little fuzzy lambs will not. 

Every day I think of how I can get going on the most recent art project and final module for the Certificate course that is still on the table. I have had a full year and...well...nothing has come to fruition. So many ideas bogged down with the need for sleep and blocked by not being able to stand or sit well enough to do very much.  I literally dream of beading but can't get started as I haven't finished the piece to bead on yet. This has to be special. Have started a collage and made some dimensional fabric forms that might work their way into the design, but the end result isn't clear yet.

Am working digitally and have some cloth to print. Am experimenting with integrating photos, and digitally altered photos, into the still life fabric collage format.  My sewing machine was broken from 12/4 until a week or so ago, so there is that, but I know the main reason for my creative sluggery has been health related. I tell my exhausted self that I can push through and work for an hour or two at night but then anything I make is clouded by a lack of enthusiasm, and I pay for the standing time the next day. Hoping spring brings a new wave of energy and good health along with sunshine so I can be more productive.  It is so hard to be patient with yourself when you can't meet your own expectations, over and over again.

Yet, the art spirit persists. Have almost filled a big sketchbook since January - a big accomplishment! Have started a little drawing time on Friday nights on Zoom and it has helped. Having a non-negotiable drawing appointment forces me to do SOMETHING at least every week, and sets the tone for the weekend. Anyone is welcome to attend this informal, free group. Message me for details.  

How is it Sunday already? Good grief! Cheers. 

Coming out of a long, gray, cold winter. Finally! We had two days of weather that let us shed our coats and feel the sunshine. Yee-hah!  Then, last night, the wind picked up and literally howled around the house and the temperature dropped, forcing me out of bed to turn the heat up a scooch so that the birds would be warm enough. 

As we turn the corner on the Corona nightmare, and vaccines will be flooding the area soon, the fear and isolation may be lessened to a point where life is back to "normal" soon. There are many aspects of this last year that I want to remember and keep with me. How often do we live through a year of serious pandemic in a lifetime? Hopefully this is it, now. 

I have learned that the reason my house is not spotless is NOT because I don't have time. 

I've learned that for some people fear can become irrational and life changing. 

I've learned that sometimes a new puppy can be an unexpected life-renewing event.

I've learned that I like to be alone, very much, thank you. 

I've learned that I can just about get through anything. 

And, hopefully, that last one is a thought shared by us all, kids included. People are ranting about how all this disruption will translate into kids "being behind" and that all learning is completely quantifiable like pennies in a jar. It just doesn't work that way, sadly. I think kids are resilient and flexible, and this unusual experience will provide them with a meaningful context for the rest of their lives. 

I am now vaccinated, Johnson and Johnson, one and done. Felt rotten yesterday so it might have been a reaction, but could have "just" been arthritis.  Due to recent medication changes, a broken sewing machine,  and an uptick of disease activity I have not been very productive in the art room and, as always, am hoping for better days ahead.  The ideas are there, the energy is just not there to make them. Maybe spring will help! 

Yesterday the book from the Baldishol-inspired exhibit arrived. I love seeing everyone's art - so much variety! It is a small book but a lovely book, and I am honored to have been included this fine exhibit. 
Cheers!