Ahh, Thanksgiving break. And I took one yesterday. It was delightful. My Pfaff sewing machine got a good work out as I focused on making rather than rushing around for Black Nonsense Friday. A delicious day of fabric, thread and rhythm. Listening to Walter Isaacson's book on Leonardo DaVinci and feeling so inspired. ​ After sewing for several hours and rediscovering my fabrics (I have been focusing on handwork for some time now) I was able to make progress on embellishing my current bigger piece, which is coming along well and is giving me a new creative direction. That is what is so great about art...ever evolving, something new right around the corner. Often unexpected. Sometimes dead ends are discovered, but I've learned that even dead ends teach us something.

Isaacson's book is excellent and really gets in the head of DaVinci, examining his "to-do lists" which feature such items as "find out what a woodpecker's tongue is like." This type of item is mixed in with routine things like "See so-and-so about a book..." etc. DaVinci was alive at the time when the printing press was a new creation and knowledge from all over Europe was being disseminated. He was flooded. As are we, today, with the Internet. Very interesting to read this book and see parallels. 

On another note, my neighbor lent me a short book on Kurt and Sonja Messerschmidt, Holocaust survivors. The book is called Death and Love in the Holocaust and tells their powerful story of being German citizens and then being thrust into the nightmare of the camps, marches, and more. Horror.  The Messerschmidts were the grandparents of neighbors who we loved on our street, but sadly moved to another spot in our town. Miss them and the adorable kids! Unbelievable to have such history in one's family. God bless them. Incredible strength and resilience in this generation of survivors, and it is great that the stories are documented. 

Onward to another day of indulgent creating. Hapi is telling me what a special parrot he is, and I have to agree. And make him his oatmeal and apples. Have a good day! 

Surprised that I haven't written anything in a while. At least here. I have bits of paper and pages in a variety of notebooks and online journals that are scattered through my world.  "It just goes on and on and on..." (Squeeze lyric joke, here.) I've tried to write consistently in one place, but I am just too fragmented, physically and mentally. The bits and pieces come together in artwork sometimes, which is good. It is

Thanksgiving weekend, and while most people are looking forward to time spent with family and friends, I am grateful for yesterday afternoon's long, overly snuggly hot nap and having some time to get my house and art in order over the next few days. I'm not against visiting and catching up with family and friends, and am looking forward to doing some of that today, but have been living in a state of chronic overwhelm and the time to regroup is much needed.  Never mind work on my art. I forget what my sewing machine looks like. 

As this blog is usually a "whiny complainy" space, today I will focus on things I am grateful for, being Turkey-Day and all.

Ten things, not necessarily in order of importance: 

1) Firstly, I am glad to not be a turkey. 
2) I am grateful for my elderhostel pack of pups, who are high maintenance in the cleaning department, but provide me with the daily cheerfulness, friendship, routine, cuddles, and love that I need. Even you, Toby. And, of course, the pack of Feathered Menaces, whose companionship is like no other. Sheer mystery and brilliance. And laughter.  This includes the vet/friend Dr. Carol who is able to care for the lot, and "Uncle Matty" who keeps the parrots groomed despite a very real threat of bodily harm! 
3) I am grateful for my special art friends who gather weekly at my house, bringing kindness and creativity. They are the best! 
4) I am grateful for my family, my sisters who check in and maintain caring contact despite being really busy, and my Aunt, Uncle and Cousins who I just don't see enough. Love you guys. 
5) I am grateful for my job. The best thing in the world. I brought home a five inch high folder of papers to deal with this weekend and actually don't mind. What does that say? 
6) I am grateful for my house. It fits me like a glove and the technical issues it has mirrors my own less-than perfect status in this world. It is full of memories and stability. Love being here. 
7) I am grateful for my neighbors who are always there for me, no matter what. Who show such kindness, acceptance and generosity that I am humbled.  And there is Mia the new maltese puppy, too...!
8) I am grateful for hitting the pharmacy deductible on my insurance. Can you say let's go refill shopping? I am grateful for my pain medication that keeps me moving,walking, and working. It gets a bad wrap due to the addiction issue (which is a very real issue but is different problem than people taking it who need it.) Without it my life would be very different, or I wouldn't even be here due to giving up from the high daily pain levels. 
9) I am grateful for music and being in an area where it is possible to see so many meaningful concerts in one season. Amanda Palmer (x2), Squeeze (x2), Tones on Tail, and the Chamelons -- what a season. 
10) I am grateful for my bff Dona who is a rock and a mirror like no other. Besides, she is hilarious and has an outlook on life that is truly unique. Bless you. And Tim, who is, well, Tim, and lets me love him and hasnt run away completely from my crazy self...yet! 

Bonus: I am grateful for being able to be an artist and ALWAYS have the ability to make things that express my own personal experiences and thoughts. There really is nothing quite like being in this world. 

So, in this blog that is usually an accounting of what part of my body is hurting and how much, hopefully it is more readable and positive. Have a great Thanksgiving Everyone!  

Thinking about the past few days and a nice story about something that happened at school that made me look at things a little differently. As I posted in my last entry/whine, I have been feeling crappy lately and also had a misstep on a ladder that did something unpleasant to my right hip. I'm happy to have graduated from crutch to cane, so know it is getting better -- albeit slowly. The past three days were really tough and I have found it hard to walk more than a few steps without pain and stiffness interfering and making me feel very unstable. I've brought my cane to school, and it has been helpful.

As I am a bit of a klutz, though, I think I need to grow another arm to properly use The Stick. It is awkward at best to hold and use.  Maybe it is genetic -- I think of my mom telling us that the walker she had when she broke her foot had to be "a right handed one" because she was left handed and had a hard time using it. A symmetrical walker.When in my classroom I bob from table to table or desk, and sometimes abandon The Stick somewhere as I don't need it as much if I am popping around the room with short steps.  For the longer trips to the office, or from the building to my car, it provides assistance. 

The kids haven't said anything about it. Only a few have asked what was wrong, which is fine with me -- the less attention on it the better. I just say it is just aggravating arthritis and leave it at that. I've been thinking. If I ignore it, they will, and life will carry on. It's just a cane, it's just a gimpy limp. I'm still ME. 

But it isn't really ME. The ME I know doesn't use a cane. The ME I know walks dogs, used to walk all over Boston, and tries to do her own yard work and housework.  In my head I am still racing around the classroom, able to cover ground quickly and efficiently. My body thinks otherwise right now, and I am in a wee bit of denial a bit at school for sure. The Stick must seem kind of strange to some people -- I have nothing broken, didn't use one before, and don't have it all the time. I hope no one thinks it is an unnecessary accessory or just a visual plea for attention to my health issues. I don't want to have issues, or pay any more attention to them than they demand -- especially at work. Kids just ask if they have a question about The Stick, adults just look and wonder, I think.  Either way, my extra appendage makes me feel self conscious and annoyed as I feel slower and have one less hand to carry things!

Today, though, something happened that really made me feel a bit better. A silly little thing, really. I was talking to one of my 7th grade classes and holding up a painting to show them, and bumped my cane (it was leaning against a table I was standing next to.) I didn't bother picking it up right away as I was focused on what I was talking about. I just left it on the floor and didn't acknowledge it. After a minute or so, a student in the front left his seat, came up, and very respectfully picked it up for me and put it back against the table, and returned to his seat. Now this seems like kind of an unimportant thing, but it was a really kind, thoughtful, and supportive gesture on behalf of a young kid, in front of all the other students. I thanked him and the class applauded him. For some reason it struck me on a more emotional, grander level. I felt a sense of "Ok, I can do this. It's just a stick. They can help" -- instead of me "trying to keep up/hide it/juggle it" maybe I have to just deal with what I am right now, and I know that the kids know and can see it, and are good with helping. Thank you, student, for helping today. Sometimes a little gesture of understanding goes a long way in helping with bigger problems. What nice manners, too!

The Stick is going to be with me sometimes. I can't outrun my old self and I might need it more than I'd like in the days ahead. Acceptance is key.