August 28, 2017
It’s a launch!
School year #23 at Parker begins today and I couldn’t be happier. There is nothing like the optimism and sense of possibility when school begins. Spotless shiny floors, new bulletin boards, new supplies unpacked, brushes washed and conditioned...brings energy and a sense of a new start that everyone should have in any career. Reset the start button, batteries recharged, begin! The enthusiasm between colleagues is infectious, and there aren’t enough hours in a day, again. No naps! More espresso, please!

Except, I really hope to find at least half of one hour a day to do something artistic for my mind and spirit. Over the weekend I had a wee bit of an emo funk (ok, maybe a bit more than wee bit.) Attribute it to my current obnoxious pain levels, prednisone, the two atb’s I’m gagging down twice a day, even “just” hormones. Whatever it was, I felt sad and could only see the negatives in my life. Hate when this hat appears. Nothing overwhelming, just a baseline of less than thrilled with the current lot. Cognitively I know better and can see it with my own eyes (one look at Kizzy usually erases any thoughts of unappreciation) but when the rabbit hole opens and I get my ankle stuck, it can be challenging to just keep walking, And my legs and ankles and feet were really hurting! Walking might not be the best comparison!

So, I took out a new sketchbook and sat in the sun and made a rather uninspired page spread. I watched the bumble bees pop from weed to weed in my garden., There are so many bumble bees here! I drew simple contours of tangled weeds, and then painted them in, with very limited artistic goals. As I drew, I felt better. More grounded, less consumed by conflict, less present in my daily struggles. Sure, Toby was on his run in the yard with me and got blind-marooned multiple times and needed me to go get him and redirect him to where I was sitting, but generally I had a little block of time that made me feel better. Better than any pill the docs want to add to the RA regimen.

And it really doesn’t take long. While I love stitching and will always consider my needle my best pen, the satisfaction of “just” drawing is something I can not forget.

As I sit in meetings today, which feel like tight reins on a galloping horse, I will have my sketchbook handy and just...be. Cheers.

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This summer is drawing to a close, and I have to say it has been almost completely wonderful. There's been plenty of time to get things done, important and creative things, and to rest enough to feel like a human with an illness rather than a walking illness trying to appear human. And it isn't over yet. 

I say almost wonderful because my Temple Street family has suffered the greatest of losses with the youngest pup of our Maltese gang passing away rather suddenly last Monday. There was never a funnier, sassier, and more precious pup. Her tiny stature betrayed her gargantuan personality and words can't describe the hole left by her passing. I was with her owner when we all first met, and considered this little one to be a "God-dog" of mine. We took her to training class together, walked together, and shared countless snuggles, funny stories, and sits in the garden. The pain her mom must be feeling is really hard to contemplate. This unhappy ending comes to all dog parents, but this was too soon, too sudden, and the loss too great. Rest in peace, our little one. You brought the world so much laughter, love, and joy. May we snuggle and laugh together again someday. You very precious, very little, girl.

You just never know what each day might bring. This is an awareness that is personally underlined as I hit the big 5-0 next month.  Every day forward is a day closer to the end. Optimistic, aren't I? In a way, yes. It is a very freeing mindset to realize how temporary everything really is. Everything. Pretty soon the hubub of work will be overwhelming and every day will be filled with 27 hours of things to do again, and all body parts will be screaming, the brain will be fogging, and I will be craving rest and shoes that don't hurt. But there will be laughter and great art with amazingly perceptive and creative kids, and intellectual and logistical challenges that keep the machine moving forward.  I wish I could bottle leg rest for the journey ahead! 

Yesterday I tried photographing some smaller artworks with limited success. Might need to take the setup outside today and use indirect light instead of interior lamps. I am determined to get my smaller works online before going back to school so that I can concentrate fully on producing another large piece. I have one started and the embellishment step is really exciting! Also, I gave the Pfaff a whirl embroidering a quickly digitized image and it worked like a charm. Dare I say after ten years the machine might actually work now? There is hope! So much to do, so little time. My usual refrain, made even more meaningful this summer. Cheerio. 

Page update! My website now has an "Available Classes" section featuring descriptions of classes I can teach to individuals and small groups. More images and info to be added soon. Check it out here!

Sipping coffee 1 of 2, delaying the day's true startup. Today I hit the dentist for the first time in a while. It is made better by my best friend being the hygienist, but still. I HATE the dentist more than anything. My friend assures me that I will survive, and I can kick her out of my mouth if the scraping sensation becomes overwhelming. I told her it is just a cleaning and that there is NOTHING WRONG with my sound teeth. Let's hope it stays that way! I am a tough friend for her to keep! 

Toyed with the idea of saying "Sweet F.A." (Love and Rockets joke) and driving to NYC tonight to see Poptone play. I hate turning the big 50 next month knee deep in school work and doing nothing fun to celebrate. The idea of a party makes me uncomfortable as I am not the most social of butterflies, but doing something fun would be good. This morning though, as sweet Til rolled over, yawned, untangled himself from the blankies long enough to get a belly rub, and Toby sat up on the bed and seemed to not really know where he was or what time it was (imagine...no light, no dark, no sound, no sight) -- I just couldn't do it. Canine elderhostel needs routine and care, not chaos. Having these three canine knuckleheads here together is precious, and increasingly I think it is on borrowed time (especially with the Tobster.)

I keep making jokes about "When Toby's gone I will..." -- and it involves deep cleaning and replacing many things in my home -- but know that I will miss the old smelly lug terribly and want to make sure he is as happy and secure as he can be at this difficult stage of his life. Just watching him go down the flight of stairs from my bedroom every morning is a testament to bravery and resilience, and I now understand why he arrived on this planet with a willfulness, stubbornness, and persistence to thrive despite so many physical obstacles. Yesterday he stayed upstairs sleeping on my bed for about an hour all by himself. He NEVER would have done that when he wasn't deaf and blind. He is definitely slowing down. Adapting, but slowing down. I won't leave him alone now as it would really stress him out.  He's be looking for me at the usual times and...not good. Sigh. Motherhood. 

The Poptone show will be fabulous, though. It's been 35 years since I've seen most of this music played live. 35 years. Get your head around that. If I'm anxious about hitting 50, I can remember that Daniel Ash just turned 60 and is still rocking. The artistic icons of my youth are still inspiring greatness! 

On the artistic note, had a wonderful week with a great group of middle school kids working in sketchbooks and trying out lots of creative drawing ideas. What a blast! I'd love to do more middle school small group classes. Maybe two week Saturday sessions on specific topics might be fun. It is rejuvenating and fun to work with kids, and adds to the excitement for the upcoming school year. 

Artistically I have still so many things to complete to reach my summer goals, but I'm getting there. I want to start a series of collage canvases, too, that I've "seen" in my mind's eye, that are begging to be created. It is nice to balance the "quick" process of collage on canvas with the labor intensive and persnickety nature of textiles. If only there was more time...the RA bus hit me for the past three days and put a damper on things, so hoping today is better. Game on! With Bauhaus, Love and Rockets, and Tones on Tail as the soundtrack. In vinyl! Cheers. 

A new month. My teacher brain is waking up and becoming restless...new bulletin board ideas, new strategies to try to incorporate, new projects to use to deliver curriculum. New ways to store acrylic paint so that there is less waste (well, that is what I figured out at 2am!) As much as I love the summer schedule when I can flit from thing to thing with the pre-planning of a dragonfly in the garden, it is incredibly inspiring to start a new school year, filled with tightly packed schedules, fact paced productivity, and all those great kids that love to learn about and create art. When I do celebrate bouts of insomnia with school planning and Pinterest visits that last just a little too long, I realize I am the luckiest person in the world to have the creative career I have in the school I am in. My classroom has been cleaned, so I will start to go in and get it uber-ready next week. Few hours at a time, then I can flit like a dragonfly for a little longer.

I fast forward to the exhaustion that sets in once school starts and realize it has taken about a month to get rid of the tiredness from the last school year. It feels so good to not be bone-tired all the time, or maybe it is that I can manage it all better with an open schedule. Getting a higher dose of Remicade in a few weeks, so I hope that will get me going for school’s start, too. The brain-clutter from managing so many students and all their classes needs time to settle and evaporate, making room for clear thinking and a fresh start.

A teacher’s brain never really stops thinking and planning, though. Especially in today’s information rich world. What do I teach in each of my many courses? Why? What do my students need most? How do I deliver the concepts most effectively, and how to I better manage all the materials and procedures? What past activities and projects stay, and which need to be retired? How can I be a better teacher, each and every day? How do I keep my desk clean and organized, let alone my room? The struggle is real, and I get a kick at how some of the coolest ideas materialize at unusual times.

On the art front, my three bowl pieces are almost done. I just need to bead the edges. I really like the idea of framing the pieces this way as I’ve toyed with “building” with pieces of stitched fabric already and see this as a natural extension for wall work -- and a chance to work in more beads! Went to a fun bead show in New Hampshire over the weekend and fortunately/unfortunately found a lot of wonderful treasures. Now, to use them all up before departing the planet. Challenge accepted!

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