The kids in class asked for Christmas music the other day. Too soon, I thought. Maybe next week. One class persuaded me to give it a try and it was irritating like sand in a bathing suit. Granted, it was Mariah Carey, but...Anyway, I went back to my instrumental music after that and the kids in the next class didn't ask for holiday music, so I was spared. Starting to feel like Christmas? Nope.
I look at the three large Santa suit outfits my neighbor got for our puppies to wear together some day. They need a little adjusting to fit the little pups, but it will be worth it when we can have all six small puppies dressed up and playing together -- outside -- at some point. What a photo - a pug and five maltese. Mrs. Santa and the elves? Maybe that will do it in the "try to get the Christmas vibe going" thing?
Found adorable beads that were just crying out to be made into holiday earrings. Made them and while I didn't feel like wearing mine, I will be sending them off to friends starting this weekend. Just because I am not feeling it doesn't mean I can't try to get the goods going for other people.
I think of The List -- the big Christmas shopping list I made in November and haven't looked at in a while that needs to be dusted off, no matter how I am feeling about the upcoming holiday. Usually I am happily making a few gifts, thinking of how to surprise friends and family. This year, it feels like my friends and family are voices on a phone or images on Facebook. Not sitting around sharing stories. Being in school now means exposure to about 250 kids over two weeks, which means it is not impossible for me to be unknowingly exposed to Covid. That means I stay away from everyone except for grocery runs. Shouldn't that leave me lots of time to be creative and work on my art?
I try to, and at the end of all the Must Do's every day I consider popping the lights on in the art room and throwing an hour or two at the several projects I've started. As always, the ideas keep coming, daily, but the energy and time are lacking. Makes no sense in some ways. I look back at a week and realize I have done very little work towards my main passion. I long for a project that immerses me in beads and stitch. It is how I relax, how I process the world. How I breathe and find meaning. How I grow in a way that satisfies me and makes life feel valuable. How can I never find time for that?
I suppose it is 2020, and nothing is really going well these days for anyone. The political climate is really awful right now. I never thought I'd see such instability in our government. I really think that people that are denying that there have been election irregularities are ostriches with their heads in the sand. Maybe that is a better approach? It is easier not to know the truth about some things. It seems like the more I learn about the person who believes he will be president, every day, the less hopeful I am. I am not a radical crazy nut - I was an independent voter who has always tried to learn both sides of issues as they've come up in the world -- and can not believe how misrepresented the world has become in mainstream media. We are being divided by propaganda, and I am so glad my Dad is not here to see any of this incredible mess. The great gray cloud of 2020. It certainly is providing cloud coverage for the holidays!
I miss my art pals, the ones that came to my humble and crowded front room every Tuesday night for years to laugh, snack, and do art together. Over time they became dear friends that were a source of laughter, strength and reason as I supposedly "taught" them classes. Their kindness knows no bounds. Today I was visited by one of them, who brought a huge box of museum quality Christmas cookies. A tradition that makes her happy to do, and her friends thrilled to receive. She actually came in and sat for a few minutes and chatted, and patted Teddie after not seeing her for nine months. Tessa is all grown up now - a testament to how long it has been since we could all get together. I say how much I miss them all and look forward to getting together again. We sigh.
I pick up the heavy box of cookies after she leaves. They should be in the fridge as they are probably 300% butter. So many kinds of cookies, made to perfection. I think about having one, but then think about the fact that I need to lose weight, that my sciatic nerve is pinched so badly right now I am literally in tears and extra weight doesn't help this at all. I think about a lot of things that make me feel defeated. I accidentally
bump the box against the refrigerator door and the top pops open. My favorite kind is on top! A beautiful combination of caramel and chocolate. I stop and smile. I think of her kindness in including me on her "cookie list" this year despite all that is going on that makes friends feel like strangers. Well, this cookie can't be shared with the puppies anyway...so...
Starting to feel like Christmas? Getting warmer -- thank you, Barbara. XO