It is ten in the morning and I am already thrown for a loop by waking up late. Hapi is munching kibble on his perch to my left, occasionally throwing one my way to make sure I am aware he is here. I ask him a question and he replies with a “yup.” Very reassuring way to come out of an over-sleeping fog. I usually am up by 6, even on the weekends, so to wake at 9:45 is a stunner. Then to have to sit and wait for meds to let the legs get going means time spent with eight hungry faces watching me (the cats got fed, they don’t wait!) Good thing my kids are so understanding. The dogs went out and then retired to their flophouse pile of beds in the kitchen to wait for their brekkie.
Excited about tomorrow’s adventure to Brewster, MA to share my artwork with the Cape Cod Quilters! I’ve only been down the Cape once with my ex-husband when we went on a whale watch and I got violently ill from the boat. Kind of soured the place for me! This will be different, though. It is always fun to be able to connect with other quilt people that “get it.” My pile of quilts comes out for a caravanserie-like event and hopefully people are a little inspired. I get somewhat sad though to see it all as my productivity has waned and I wish I could keep up with the artistic pace I used to practice. I criticize myself daily for this, but do know the legitimate reasons why I can’t create as much as I used to. Health, aging, work, motherhood, etc. What a pickle! Maybe someday…
I am really excited about the new direction my work is moving in with digital elements. I am looking around me more carefully for images that can be worked into new pieces. The possibilities are truly endless and it will take a lifetime to get the work out of my head and through my frustratingly stiff fingers. Still, it is better to have this kind of passion than live without it, I guess.
On the RA front, which is always on the menu, I learned this week that my feet are in pretty rough shape. I’d thought I might have a ligament or tendon issue so went to my podiatrist. X-Rays revealed that both feet are riddled with bone erosions and joint narrowing to the point where a cortisone shot wouldn’t be helpful (too many places where it could go!) Stage 3 and 4 arthritis, on a scale of 4. I asked if the soft tissues were damaged at this point and she thought for sure there were tears, ruptures, and destruction there, too. At least it explains the ouchies. Sadly, there isn’t much to do but try to control the disease medically and do the best I can with walking. The doc recommended Very Ugly Shoes that are nothing short of an embarrassment. I tried some one the next day and found that while they did feel good and much more stable than anything I’ve been wearing, my foot looked like a duck boat and looking down at my feet made me feel bad. I said to the clerk at the shoe store “maybe if I was 90 I’d like these…” and he quipped “Your feet ARE 90.” Kind of sums it up. One more brand of shoe to look at before I make the jump to Very Ugly Clown Shoes so that I can continue walking as best I can. I know in my mind that I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but man, I am. Ick. Oh, vanity.
Lurking in the back of my mind is this...if the feet are being gobbled up by the RA, what else is happening as the disease remains only partially controlled? Is the pain in my elbows, knees, hands, and ankles leading to a similar fate? Is my heart, lungs, and other innards getting the RA treatment, too? Hard to say, easy to worry about. Carpe diem, baby.
Now the sky is very dark and rain drops have begun to fall. The birds will have brunch this morning and the day will unfold. I am grateful to have a mellow day and hopefully will finagle art time, too. Cheerio!